“The body will reorganize when it feels safe.” – Dr. Stephen Porges
This quote has become a guiding light for me. I see it manifest in my clinical practice, in my personal life, in self-care, and in relationships. Healing becomes the natural byproduct of a nervous system with the capacity to create safety.
Safety is a biological imperative. When we feel safe, our nervous system shifts into a state that supports rest, repair, growth, and connection. Digestion improves, hormones recalibrate, sleep deepens. We feel more energy, clarity, and openness to connect with others and our purpose. When safety is out of reach, the body diverts resources toward survival. We tense, guard, and lose access to the very parts of ourselves that heal.
I see this often in women who wake at 3am, mind racing, body tense, heart racing. At that moment, the nervous system isn’t in deep rest—it’s on alert, scanning for threat, problem solving. But when practices of consistent self-care and inner safety are in place—like slowing the breath, softening the body, or anchoring with a compassionate thought—the system can begin to downshift. That’s the body reorganizing when it feels safe.
What It Means to Feel Safe
Safety isn’t just the absence of danger—it’s a felt sense in the body that says, “I’m safe enough to fall in love with life and take the risks of living.”
I spent much of my adolescence and early twenties lifeguarding. We were anchors of safety in the changing conditions of open water. That image of an anchor still resonates: anchors hold us steady, creating enough stability to venture out, explore, and return again.
Anchors of safety can come from the outside—a therapist’s steady presence, a trusted friend, or a supportive group. They can also be cultivated within: nourishing food, saying no and honoring a boundary, the rhythm of breath slowing, consistent sleep, compassionate self-talk, movement, or time in nature.
As Dr. Gabor Maté reminds us, “Safety is not the lack of danger. Safety is the presence of connection.” Our nervous systems expect connection, without it, we feel unsafe.
Presence and Attunement as Acts of Compassion
Presence is how we show up—with steadiness, curiosity, and compassion. Attunement is how we listen—with sensitivity to what is happening beneath the surface. I’ve come to understand attunement as the capacity to sense into another person’s inner world and respond in a way that communicates care. In this way, attunement is compassion in action.
Research shows that when we are present—engaged with what is in front of us—we are happier and more connected than when our minds are distracted. Presence doesn’t require perfection; it can be as simple as slowing your breath or setting an intention to truly listen. When you show up this way, you send a signal of safety: I’m here, I’m listening. And when someone else meets you with that same attunement, your nervous system reorganizes into connection instead of defense.
Attunement isn’t a technique—it’s about who you are at the moment. Our nervous systems are in constant, silent conversation, scanning for cues of safety or danger. It’s more about the energy you bring than what you say.
When you are anchored in safety—resting in ventral energy—you become a welcoming presence, first for yourself and then for others. That presence becomes an invitation: Join me here, in this safe space.
Deb Dana describes ventral as our nervous system’s home base—the biological platform of safety and connection that is always available to us. In ventral, we feel grounded, open, and able to meet life with curiosity and compassion. It’s not about being calm all the time, but about having access to a steady inner safe haven we can return to, even after moments of stress or disconnection. From this regulated state, our bodies function more smoothly, our minds soften, and we can think clearly, respond flexibly, and engage with others in meaningful ways. This ability to move back into ventral again and again is what allows resilience, health, and genuine connection to flourish.
Safety is not a one-time achievement—it’s a rhythm you return to again and again. Compassion is the anchor that provides a steady place inside to rest and reconnect. From that place, your body, mind, and relationships naturally reorganize toward health.Healing begins with safety.
Safety begins with connection.
And connection opens the door to compassion.
