A dedicated yoga practitioner, international teacher/trainer, and Emmy-nominated filmmaker, in her role as a trauma-informed Somatic Coach, Cat integrates the practices of Yoga and trauma-informed somatic movement therapy with the empathy of Compassionate Inquiry® and Nonviolent Communication plus her own deep respect for the relational container. She supports Compassionate Inquiry® year-long and Circles programs and co-leads its NVCI Focus group.
In this excerpt, Cat explains why healing can’t be outsourced and how increasing our capacity to hold ourselves enables us to show up for others. Hear the full conversation on The Gifts of Trauma Podcast.
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“Everything eventually will be funny. And it’s not personal.”
Those are the words I would whisper to humanity if I had the chance. But getting to that perspective required me to unlearn everything I was taught about where healing comes from.
I grew up in a codependent and narcissistic family system. I was trained and groomed to always look outside for answers, to always look to others for validation. It never was something that I felt comfortable with, but I didn’t know anything else.
For years, I lived in a performative way—working in the entertainment industry and teaching. I have been very participatory in life and very “successful”… whatever that means. For years I’ve been holding on tightly, trying to hold it all together and keep it going. People said, “Just let go.” But the only way I have felt comfortable in letting go is knowing there’s something inside of me that can hold. I was trying to hold it so much on the outside, but not until relatively recently have I been able to really hold myself on the inside. The term “hold my own” has been very resonant with me. Now I can do that myself and help support other people in doing it for themselves too.
It’s widely believed that we will be healed by someone else when they do something to us… First of all, if you buy into that, you’re not an agent. You’re more of a… I’m not going to say victim, but you’re not empowered. You’re putting the onus and the responsibility on someone else when really it’s in your capacity. The healing that I’ve had… of course I know when I outsource. I’ve done it my whole life. As I said earlier, I was trained and groomed to always look outside for answers and validation. That was my upbringing. So it’s really about looking inside and realizing that we all have a healing capacity. We all can tap into the quantum field. We can all get these downloads. It’s not about doing more. It’s actually about letting more and more of these layers, this armor, these protections, and all these things that we have created to get through life go one by one and trusting that there is going to be a strength and a resource inside. It might need to be mirrored from outside, but ultimately, healing is an inside job. It’s always possible, and it can’t be outsourced. It’s an inside job—ideally, one that we do together, in community.
Whenever I slip or fall, it’s great to have other people there to help me back up. Because I can’t do it all on my own. That belief that I held to be true—that you have to make life happen—is not accurate for me anymore. We’re not in this alone. After Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans and after 9/11 shook New York, I saw how yoga communities held people. We would come to practice and be together and process together—practicing together, in communal spaces, building community. When 2020 came and all my work evaporated, I spent a lot of time alone. It gave me forced downtime to realize how much I missed in-person sharing, holding, and being held. Ultimately realizing that we’re not in it alone.
After practicing yoga for over 30 years, my focus now is to go further in to see what the inner landscape is, because it’s a reflection of the larger space in which we’re living. The greater my capacity becomes, the more I am able to hold, and the more I am able to be a conduit. Whether I’m directing on a set, leading a yoga class, or working with a client in Compassionate Inquiry®, my job is to be present in many ways. To be aware, to notice and track where I go, whether my attention is going to my nervous system or my thoughts… wherever… That capacity to be present, to be attuned, to be curious, and to track where I am going at any moment is so essential, because when we’re having conversations with people, there are multiple conversations happening at the same time. So being able to track where I go enables me to actually open the space and be that strong container into which something comes and be present to it. It’s not about me, but there is a certain amount of effort involved, including the ego, in order to be able to go to that kind of capacity or holding. It takes effort. But it’s worth it, as when I am in my space, in my body with ease, I’m able to be in relation with others with that ease. And moving in the world with that ease feels so healthy.
Sometimes it takes a big health crisis to wake us up. For me, it was breast cancer. Because of my yoga practice, I had a very loving relationship with my body. I could handle it, however…the diagnosis propelled me to deeper levels. Just when you think you’ve hit solid ground, there’s another level. This process allowed my nervous system to titrate so I could handle this thing and the next thing and the one after that. Also, humor has been integral through all of this.
So… who am I? I’m constantly asking myself that question. The answer is, I don’t know exactly. And yet I’m curious to constantly find out and be surprised about who I’m being at any moment. I’ve had a very circuitous path—various incarnations of careers and interests. I have always been an extremely curious person, and I love learning. I also love the idea of storytelling and being able to continually rewrite our self-narratives with a sense of agency and a sense of humor. I support people in rewriting their self-narratives so they can continue to evolve and rewrite their own stories.
My focus now is integrating film, yoga, nonviolent communication, Compassionate Inquiry®, somatics, sound work, and breath work—creating an offering that brings in all of these ingredients. I’m not quite sure what the dish will end up being…and I’m okay with that.
The Gifts of Trauma is a weekly podcast that features personal stories of trauma, transformation, healing, and the gifts revealed on the path to authenticity. Listen to the full conversation, and if you like it, please subscribe and share.
