• 00:00:01 Tanya

Circle is a mirror. We are all mirrors of one another and that’s how we start to feel more connected to one another is when we start to see the mirror effect and we start to see that any judgment that I have, it is just a judgment towards myself. And anything that’s coming up in the space is just a mirror of some part of me. And so that’s where we can start to go into the sister wound. And this is where everyone is afraid to go, because we hold these resentments, we have these judgments and don’t speak them, and we either pretend or fawn, or we disappear and we run away. But if we empty out and we let those go and we actually speak them aloud…. To be able to share the things that are uncomfortable in a safe way where you’re taking responsibility, you’re not projecting or blaming the other person, you’re looking at where is this my stuff? What is this reminding me of? Yes, you are triggering me and I’m going to acknowledge that, but I get to do my own inner work and own that. This is my stuff. That’s where we can then develop real sisterhood with one another, where we’re not pretending and we’re not holding back and we’re not disappearing on each other.

00:01:29 Rosemary
This is the Gifts of Trauma podcast, stories of transformation and healing through Compassionate Inquiry.

00:01:46 J’aime
Welcome back to another episode of The Gifts of Trauma. I am J’aime and I am so thrilled…. My heart is dancing with excitement to be sitting across from you. Tanya Lynn, welcome to the show today.

00:02:01 Tanya
Thank you. I’m so excited to be here with you.

00:02:04 J’aime
So Tanya, I hope that this is going to be a really delicious initiation and invitation into Compassionate Inquiry for you. It’s very common in Compassionate Inquiry to begin every session with sharing an intention. And so I wanted to create space to invite that for you today, to share your intention.

00:02:25 Tanya
Thank you. Yeah, my intention is connection. To me that’s what this conversation is all about. When we talk about circle and sisterhood and feminine leadership, that’s at the core of it, is feeling connected.

00:02:43 J’aime
Yeah, connection. I feel you and I want to just state my intention. I’m so excited to have this conversation. Sisterhood and circling is so near and dear to my heart. So as I went for a walk before our call, with all of my excitement in Costa Rica and the land that we share homes on in different parts, I started picking up fallen flowers. Because it’s been raining, there were a lot of fallen flowers and a lot of fruit and a lot of things on the ground. So I made us a little altar.

00:03:16 Tanya
Beautiful.

00:03:17 J’aime
… to begin our talk today, and amazingly, I don’t have candles to light a candle. And so I’m just going to burn a little bit of incense. But in the absence of a candle, I want to invite all the light that’s within you and that’s within me to illuminate this conversation and be with us. And I see you doing something over there. What are you doing?

00:03:39 Tanya
I’ll light my candle too.

00:03:41 J’aime
Beautiful. So that’s my intention is to invite the light from within to be an altar before you and before your experience and your wisdom to share today what needs to come through. So Tanya, you’re what I like to call a feast of a woman, of a guest, or a buffet. And as I walked through the table, I see a lot of things that I want to pick up and put on my plate. I see a lot of places I’d like to go and talk to you. But before we get there, I would just love to know from you, what’s the most alive in your expression and in your service today? And what would you like us to know about you?

00:04:20 Tanya
Yeah, great question. I am going through the biggest transformation portal and one of the biggest initiations of my life right now. I have been in this, but it’s come to a point of feeling the abundance of all of the seeds that we have planted, and that is here in Costa Rica. We are building De la Diosa, which is a Goddess temple and retreat centre. And we just recently put it out there that we are doing our first round of fundraising, our first investment round. And so we have raised $100,000 so far, which is incredible. And that is a third of our goal for this first round. And it’s so magical to see what happens when you put so much intention and you plant so many seeds and then you start to see the fruit. So I love that you brought those fruit altar because that’s exactly how I’m feeling and it is a very abundant time right now. All the mangoes are falling from the trees and it’s just, we’ve got so much fruit going off on our property here. But yeah, it’s really cool to see this process. And I’ve been relating it to climbing Everest. And in the scheme of things of… I have a friend who’s raising 80 million right now. And like in the scheme of things, what we’re doing is just pennies. But for us it feels like Everest. And I think that a lot of women would probably not even attempt what we’re doing in building this Goddess Temple and Retreat Centre and really going after a vision. And it’s the hardest thing that my husband and I have ever done. Practically ripped our marriage apart. It’s just… it’s brought up everything, all the good, bad and ugly. And so to come to this place of like, the foundation is set. And now to feel confident enough to ask people to come into the project just feels phenomenal. I feel very alive right now. Yeah. So that’s what’s top of mind for me. There’s a million other things going on as well, we just launched one of our new programs, Get to the Root, which is all of the trauma healing. And yeah. And so I’m here for the full buffet of wherever we want to go today.

00:07:00 J’aime
Yeah, I feel like 6 new items just arrived.

00:07:03 Tanya
Surprised with the specials of the day!

00:07:07 J’aime
Totally. Always welcome, always expected. Honestly, it was someone as dynamic and committed to evolving as you are. I’m not surprised to hear that you have invited such a rich initiation into your life and another challenging of the layers of what needs to be uprooted within you in order to bring this next vision through. So you want to talk a little bit about that vision that’s coming through for you in this temple?

00:07:37 Tanya
Yeah, I’ve been online forever. Feels like forever.

00:07:42 J’aime
Let’s actually contextualize this for people.

00:07:45 Tanya
Yeah.

00:07:46 J’aime
Because it really has been a very long time. You began circling with women in 2010.

00:07:52 Tanya
Correct. Yes, I have been online pretty much since 2010, 2011 really before a lot of people were online. We were positioned really well when everyone went online in 2020, but I have been feeling like I’m going in the other direction, of, I want in person. I am really tired of being online and I’m desiring more of that connection and community in person. And so I’ve just been, I feel like I’ve been trying to get back to the live / in person retreats. And so that was this vision of, we know the power of women gathering in person, and it’s 10 times greater than when we gather online. And it’s really cool that we get to have this international community and we get to sit in circle with women from all over the world online. But then it’s like just the difference between what actually happens when we’re in the same room versus we’re in a Zoom room. To me, my heart is just in the live and in person room. So that is the start of this was my desire for more retreats and to create that space, the physical space for women to come to. But it’s so much bigger than that. And the way we look at this is it’s a pilgrimage with this goddess temple. And it really came from Burning Man. Brent proposed to me at the Temple of Grace Burning Man Sunrise 2014. Interestingly, the property we found here, the temple face, sunris,e ocean view. It’s just the way in which things just keep weaving and coinciding. It’s just we have literally been guided here and we have been guided every step of the way.

00:09:50 J’aime
Yeah, dare I say it’s circular? Yeah. And I notice circles. That’s an expression you truly live. I’ve seen a lot of videos of you with this large circle pendant on your chest. And I think you’ve really taken that symbolic nature into your very life essence and core expression of your being. And I’d love to really talk about more circles with you in the deepest, most historical sense, truly, of really what you’re being called to do here. Because we could stay on this beautiful boat ride through the surface of how beautiful it is to bring women together in nature. But what’s called you and kept you for so long and this that you’re still here, I think points to that deeper circle of how much we are choosing to work through in sisterhood right now. What does sisterhood actually mean? I’d love to just ask you that right now. What does sisterhood mean to you? Why are you so invested? Why are you still doing it? How have you not gotten tired of it?

00:11:01 Tanya
This feels like Dharma. It feels like soul purpose. It feels like I’ve done this for many lifetimes. So there’s something that feeds my soul from this work and it’s really the connection and the truth. And I’m really interested in a level of communication and a level of who we’re being, a level of leadership that is just centred and true. And what I’ve noticed is the women who are around me are able to just bear their souls and open their hearts and lean into discomfort. That’s what gets me really excited, is essentially being the brave woman. And so the women who I circle with really step into that bravery. I mean, that’s pretty much what it comes down to, is we get to be brave ourselves and then we get to be in this brave circle where we don’t have to hold ourselves back. And I feel like the way women have been conditioned is constantly holding ourselves, checking ourselves, not giving ourselves permission, waiting. And so that holding pattern, I’m just tired of holding back. And I don’t want other women to hold themselves back. There’s just that fear and that insecurity. And what are people going to think? And so much of the women’s relationships is fawning. So if you don’t know the term, fawning is essentially where we people please, and I believe it’s how most women interact with one another. We don’t want to rock the boat. We are super polite. We don’t really want to say what we’re really thinking or what we’re really feeling. And so our conversations and our relationships stay at the surface. And so what I have found is that most of my interactions out in the world, that’s the interaction. And then I’m in circle, and I’m with women who have gone deep with me, and none of that exists. And we’re just able to be real. We’re able to be ourselves. And it’s so refreshing. And I don’t have to hold back and I don’t have to be afraid of what people think. And so at the core of that is like, we really have each other’s backs. Like we don’t disappear in circle. That’s what keeps me going.

00:13:47 J’aime
So first I want to say, Tanya, I want to disclose to you that I’ve been in a women circle for the last five years, which is what a lot of the excitement about meeting you and talking with you today is about. And I’m very aware that you and I could get very granular, and I’ve got sweet Rosemary tapping me a little DM saying, but what are they like for the newbies? So I want to make space to talk about from the beginning, when a woman does come into circle and that transformation process that we evolve in, we’re very conditioned to think of transformation as a magical butterfly, sparkly beautiful goddess thing. And there are definitely aspects of that, but transformation is messy and it hurts. And what you said about how you can say whatever is in your heart and in your truth to someone in your circle and know that they’re not going to run away or leave, to me is testament of many years of building, of dismantling, of disrupting old patterns, and then of resourcing with tools and capacities to repair. And that is a revelation that you’re talking about. And I saw a big head nod when I said repair. And so talking to the women out there who’ve never been in a circle and are curious about what happens in there, what would you like to pick up from what I just said? 

In this moment, we’re going to take a brief pause to share what’s on offer within the Compassionate Inquiry community. Stay with us.

00:15:25 Rosemary
If you’ve been listening to our podcast and are curious about the Compassionate Inquiry approach developed by Doctor Gabor Maté and Sat Dharam Kaur, consider joining the Professional Training Program. It’s open to all healing professionals, including naturopaths, physicians, body workers, coaches, and therapists. In addition to learning how to use compassion to support your clients in their most vulnerable moments with greater empathy and authenticity, you’ll also deepen your own internal process. If you’re interested, look for the link in the show notes.

00:15:59 Tanya
The fundamental, the core of the circles that I teach, are sharing circles. And what we mean by that is that every single woman is going to have two to three minutes to share. And she’s not just going to give an update. A lot of women’s circles, everyone just gives their update. Great. Those are great. What we’re doing in transformational circles is we have this transformational arc that we go on on. We’re going to pick up on a theme. We’re going to ask a potent question that’s having everyone dive deeper into that theme and look at themselves and just go under the hood. So in the transformational arc, we’re actually going down. We’re going down into the gunk, into the dark, into the shadow. We’re going to talk about something that might feel uncomfortable. Tell us about a time that another woman hurt you. And what’s happening in that share is, first of all, we’re not going on and on for 10 minutes. It’s 3 minutes and everyone thinks, oh, that’s so short. No, actually, you can truly get to the point and go super deep in three minutes and then we’re not going to give feedback. And a lot of people, they come to our circles and they get really upset about this, because they want feedback. They want to give feedback, they want to receive feedback. But what happens is that when we start giving each other feedback, we’re not actually honoring that woman’s truth. She’s not fully trusting her own inner authority, her own inner wisdom, because she’s immediately listening to what other people are thinking. So if we want to actually start to trust ourselves to speak our truth then to have a group just listen and beam. This is what we do when we do the beam, which can feel really uncomfortable at first because it’s, whoa, all these people are beaming me. And so we get to actually learn how to receive because what the beam means is I see you, sister, I hear you, Thank you. And there’s nothing that I need to say to fix or to add to what you’re saying. And so you’re just receiving all that energy, which is part of the thing for women, as we’re so good at giving. We’re really good at giving the feedback. We don’t have the opportunity to receive and it’s in that moment of being able to receive. Let it land. No one’s trying to fix me. Wow. Now I’m listening to other women. I can relate with every single share in the room, and I can see the similarities. I can see the differences. I can see that common thread that makes us all women and I feel connected. Now we’re not commiserating, we’re just sharing the underbelly. We’re sharing some kind of shadow or part that we wouldn’t typically talk about out in the real world.

00:19:02 J’aime
Let me pause you just right here for a minute. And so when we’re talking about what is the beam, the beam is me holding both of my hands up open, palm facing you. And if anybody’s listening right now and just wants to try that and energetically just try it on, what that feels like to put your energy out there that way. It’s definitely a palpable expression. And I really want to flag it a little bit here, because in Compassionate Inquiry, we have this thing called mirroring. And I’m sure in your somatic work, you get into the importance of what mirroring does, and it speaks to that thing that you were talking about, of supporting somebody in their own authentic expression. Because I’m not giving you feedback, I’m not telling you what I think. And I’m going to mirror it back. And something very powerful happens when our truth is mirrored exactly as we say it back to us. We hear it in a different way when it comes from someone else. And this is circling to me, this is the beauty of sisterhood and circling is that mirror. So everybody just know that’s what the beaming is.

00:20:15 Tanya
Beautiful, I love that. And that is it. Circle is a mirror. We are all mirrors of one another and that’s how we start to feel more connected to one another, is when we start to see the mirror effect and we start to see that any judgment that I have is just a judgment towards myself. And anything that’s coming up in the space is just a mirror of some part of me. And so that’s where we can start to go into the sister wound of what happens in Circle, is, some uncomfortable triggers can come up. There’s women who might make us feel uncomfortable in different ways. And I believe that this is all part of the design, the divine design of Circle, is that it’s not going to be all rainbows and butterflies. M Scott Peck wrote this incredible book. He’s known for The Road Less Traveled, but he wrote this other book, The Different Drum. He talks about the four stages of Community. So, the first stage of pseudo community and that’s that. Yay, I found my people. Yeah. And so we’re going to be all excited and just show the happy face and just show the celebration and be all excited. But then we go into chaos, and that’s when the judgment comes up. Someone says the wrong thing that triggers you. And so in order for us to really go into real community Stage 4, where we have to pass through Stage 3, which is to empty out, and this is where everyone is afraid to go because we hold these resentments. We have these judgments and don’t speak them, and we either pretend or fawn, or we disappear and we run away. But if we empty out and we let those go, and we actually speak them aloud, they dissipate, the energy dissipates. And so this is where in Sistership Circle, we have the withhold tool to be able to share the things that are uncomfortable in a safe way, where you’re taking responsibility, you’re not projecting or blaming the other person. You’re looking at, where is this my stuff? What is this reminding me of? Yes, you are triggering me and I’m going to acknowledge that. But I get to do my own inner work and own that. This is my stuff. And that helps to clear the air. And that’s where we can then develop real sisterhood with one another, where we’re not pretending and we’re not holding back and we’re not disappearing on each other, which is so much of how women operate in the world.

00:23:11 J’aime
Talking about the trigger is such a potent place that I’d love to also pause at, because Gabor teaches us in the very first year of our training that the trigger is a gift. And so I’m curious and I see you shaking your head yes. So I’m curious if you name it that way or in a similar way. You called it the withholding tool. Can you say more about the withhold tool as well?

00:23:37 Tanya
Yeah, we have a very specific structure and we introduce this in our training program and week 3, because it takes some time, it takes a whole session in order to go through it. So just the very basic understanding of the withhold tool is sharing something with a charge in a responsible and effective way where I take responsibility for that. But we get to clear that energy out of the space because we can feel it. I can feel if you’re judging me, I can feel if you’re upset, even if you’re not saying anything. We can sense this. We’re very intuitive, especially women. That’s how we are. So being able to speak that into the space and let it go. People get really scared because it’s not something that we do in our typical culture, but in the culture of sisterhood, it’s absolutely essential to be able to share what’s there, but in a responsible way.

00:24:39 J’aime
This is so nourishing to hear you speak. I’m thinking about polyvagal theory and how we’re wired to feel each other. And I’m just hearing all of these things very applied in what you’re doing with circles. And I’m super curious to ask you right now, because you began doing this in 2010, 2011. At what point did you decide… like how did that come to you to receive training in somatic experiencing? And, tell me about how that process, what kind of breakthroughs came through, and how many things you already knew that you could give words to. I just love to hear about that merging of paths for you.

00:25:22 Tanya
Yeah, so I did Somatic Experiencing in 2022-25. So I just completed the three-year training. So it was probably in 21 when, in one of my circles, someone was calling me out as the facilitator, and asking if I was trauma informed and did not like the way in which I was holding space for a woman who was having a real breakdown on one of our calls. And simultaneously, I had another program, it’s my highest level program, called mastery. And I kept attracting, usually maybe every time or every other time that I would run the program, a woman who would be so triggered by me, and I could tell that I was triggering her mother wound and just said you are not safe. I cannot process through this with you. I need to leave the program and it’s the same archetypal type of woman every single time. And so the combination of those two things said, OK, interesting. What does it look like for me to become trauma informed? What’s the best training? And I asked a friend who had gone to Somatic Experiencing, looked it up. I was like, this is great. Awesome. I would say that in ‘21, I had no idea that I had a nervous system. And now everything for me is about the nervous system. And to have this new intimate relationship with my nervous system where I can feel a whole activation cycle, where I can go into sympathetic, come down into parasympathetic, come back into a regulated state, know how to take myself through that, know how to take others through that. It’s another layer of this work. Now, I had been trained before by a former mentor, the late Barry Green, who taught me the mother wound, the father wound. Like we went really deep into the body, into like deep releases in the body. And so for me with Somatic Experiencing, I was able to just add the pieces in, because you meet three times a year and it’s a very slow drawn out course so that it’s really integrated. And Peter Levine who started Somatic Experiencing, he said, I want you to be able to layer this with whatever you do. If you’re a massage therapist, you can bring SE into that. If you’re a therapist, you bring that, you’re a circle leader, you bring that in. So you’re able to immediately weave it into whatever you’re doing. And for me, it’s like when we’re doing so much work around sister wound and mother wound and witch wound, which is the visibility wound and speaking your truth and being out there with your medicine in the world. Understanding everything that we’re doing from a trauma lens, and from a nervous system perspective, I think just takes it a layer deeper.

00:28:34 J’aime
Thank you. If it would be alright with you, I would love to drop back just a little bit to that moment in time in 2021, the early stages of rocking your groups in this archetype, showing up and flagging something to you. And I wanna bring light to that because that’s what circling does too. Circling reveals those non whole parts of ourselves. And so, when someone looks on your website and they see women dancing in a circle and they’re in that first stage that you’re talking about, they might not know that you’re actually taking them through all four stages, which are so very disruptive to all of our lives. When our wholeness or our lack of wholeness is revealed or we see a blockage that someone is showing us. That’s the courage you’re talking about, that you offer in your circles, as these circles are giving us the ground to navigate, to step forward instead of recoiling. That to me is the medicine of the mission when I peek into what you’re doing. And so I want to ask you a little bit about that, if that’s OK about that process for you.

00:29:56 Tanya
Yeah, so the question I asked myself is, “How do I become more safe for the woman I trigger the most?” That’s what I got really interested in because I was like, OK, I can see her blocks, I can see what’s going on. I can see the facade, I can see all the things with her, but it’s what’s going on here that I keep attracting this person over and over again. And the feedback is the same. I don’t feel safe with you. Whether they actually use those words or not. But that’s what I hear when I cannot work this out with you as my mentor. You’re just not. You’re just not safe. OK, great. How do I become safe? And so I think for me, finding more felt safety in my own system and understanding my own nervous system and where I go into fight, flight, freeze, fawn, collapse, all those things, and feeling safer in my own body, is what then allows me to be safer. And I think the biggest thing that I’ve learned is slowing everything down. And so I know how to slow things down. I know how to titrate and pendulatte, which is essentially like, OK, you feel like this is too much, too fast, too soon?  OK, I can help us to reel it back right and slow the whole thing down. That’s what’s going to create safety for her because otherwise it’s like her mother won’t. I am in her face. That’s how it feels. This woman is too much, too loud, she’s too intense, and she reminds me way too much of my mother. And I just can’t handle it. And I’m definitely not going there with her. So if I can navigate and move out of that, then I can be more effective as a leader, as a facilitator, as a guide, as a coach.

00:32:05 J’aime
Yeah, you talk a lot about leadership, I noticed. Like you’re attracting women who that’s in their vocabulary, it seems like that’s the kind of woman who might be drawn. And I got curious. Does every woman come in wanting to be a leader? How does that word dance through what you do?

00:32:25 Tanya
Most women are coming into sistership circle because they want to start a circle. They say, OK, I’m going to raise my hand. I want this for myself and I’m willing to do the thing to create it. So yes. In that sense, the women coming into my world are identifying with leadership. Whether or not they see themselves as that or not, they feel that potential within themselves. But where I also like to use the word leadership is where we get to lead our own lives, and that every single one of us is a leader. And essentially what this comes down to is the inner authority and advocating for my own needs, my own desires. And I feel like this is where the trajectory of all women is going. And if we look at… I’m in the conversation now with women who are going into perimenopause, into menopause, late 40s, 50s, 60s even. And it is extraordinary to see how many women are just claiming their power and finally standing up for themselves, finally saying, No, I’m not interested in being a doormat. I’m not interested in being in this marriage where I feel completely unfulfilled. Women are taking a stand. So for me, that’s the real leadership. Yes, Circle is a vehicle for you to practice that right? But then it gives you access to being the leader of your own life and claiming all that you want, what you want this life to be for you.

00:34:13 J’aime
That’s reminding me of a quote I came across somewhere, looking into your world, and you said “What’s rising is a sovereign woman, What’s rising is a sovereign woman.” And that’s a breathtaking, exciting statement in so many ways to me. And that is also, I think what you’re alluding to, well, what you’re speaking into right now is leadership is perhaps also sovereignty. It may not even be about other people, but leading yourself. That’s so powerful.

00:34:46 Tanya
Yeah, sovereignty, that’s exactly what’s happening. And I want to bring this piece in of the balance or the integration. I don’t know how we would use the word. It’s not just about you as an individual in your sovereignty. It’s also about the power of the circle, of the power of the collective of women coming together. So it’s the both-and. It’s, I’m going to rise, but I am not rising in this way that has me disconnected from all of life. Because that is the old model, right? It’s, man is separate from nature and man’s going to conquer nature and man is going to assert himself. That is the patriarchal way, but this new way of yes, I can rise in my sovereignty as a woman, and advocate for my own needs and desires, and have the life that I want to lead, but not at the detriment of the collective and not at the detriment of nature. Because I am connected with all that is, and I can’t forget the connection, the connection with spirit, the connection with my sisters and community. We’re all connected. And so we can’t sever that, in the name of our own personal sovereignty. And I think that’s where we have to be careful of not just doing it the old patriarchal way of claiming our sovereignty as women.

00:36:15 J’aime
Here you go. Thank you so much for saying that. I am just really loving the way you brought that back to your intention of connection in the most powerful way and talked about the collective that to me you’re asking the question, What are we rising into? What are we rising to? What are we rising towards? And what we’re rising towards is that thing that’s really aliveness in everything, and that isn’t hierarchical. Another thing I remember you saying is that, “The opposite of patriarchy isn’t matriarchy, it’s circling. What is nature but regenerative?” I feel like you’re just talking Costa Rica as you’re talking right now because we live in the ever dying, ever emergent world here. We’re so much closer to it. And I really wanted to ask you if you wanted to say anything specific about how living in Costa Rica since 2020, so close to that cycle, has affected how you work in circles and beyond.

00:37:11 Tanya
Costa Rica has a way of just ripping you apart. You cannot hide in the jungle. You cannot avoid anything in the jungle. It is going to just get inside of you and rip the truth right out of you. For me, it’s been a reconnection with the wild woman, that innate wildness within myself, the aliveness that we’re talking about. I see a lot of people come down here and their marriages get ripped apart because they’re avoiding something back in the States, and then they come down here and there’s no hiding. And that happened for me and Brent where we really went through it. But we stuck really strongly with our intention, with our mission, with our commitment to each other, and we worked through it. It has not been easy, right? But it’s like bringing all of those distinctions from circle into my own life, into my marriage. When I find that when women come down here, I’m becoming known for… If you go to one of Tanya’s retreats, you’re going to get naked. And I don’t ever have it as like, this is what we’re doing. But that ultimately is what I’m all about is the vulnerability. That’s what circle is. We learned how to become vulnerable and why not learn how to take off our clothes and be able to accept our bodies the way they look in their imperfections? Because every single body is different. Yeah, we’re all the same. It’s that thing of we get to see the similarities and differences in circle, when everyone shares, but there’s just so much power in just being able to strip down and go skinny dipping in the river, or in the watering hole or the ocean, it’s incredible. Yeah, I think that’s what Costa Rica has really provided me, is just me dripping down to my essence and just not really caring what people think or just really loving and embracing and accepting all parts of myself.

00:39:32 J’aime
That’s the wild woman. I love the invitation to really give new definition to what that archetype means. The wild woman isn’t that one archetype that we need to really strip down and reclaim as what is true. And there’s such an incredible benevolence that comes with that kind of vulnerability, surrender, acceptance, and not caring anymore. I’m watching the time love. I want to take a moment to make sure, what can we talk about right now that is really moving through you, Do you want to talk about getting to the roots, this program you’re doing now with women? Where do you want to go right now?

00:40:10 Tanya
Yeah, I am so passionate. I haven’t felt this excited about my work in a while.

00:40:18 J’aime
Can I just talk about the softness that I just saw? A shift in your eyes?

00:40:22 Tanya
Yeah.

00:40:23 J’aime
It’s very notable. Something about your presence really shifted when we began to even explore the idea of this work and where you’re arriving and everything you’ve learned to this place. So yeah, tell us about it.

00:40:37 Tanya
So and how to lead circle which is our level 1 Circle leader certification program. We have a 15 minute hot seat or support seat, love seat, whatever you want to call it. The ladies all interchange, but women have always raved that’s the best part of the program because they get just that one to one support and we uncover what’s your biggest block when it comes to your circle leadership. And because that has always been the kind of the hottest part of the program, I kept getting a nudge from one of my trainers. OK, when are we going to teach the women how to do this?

00:41:20 J’aime
OK, Tanya, hang on. I want to know more about what the hot seat is because  my interpretation is wild right now. So I’m just imagining what other people… would you be willing to do 30 seconds of hot seat with me just to give an example of what that looks like.

00:41:37 Tanya
Yeah. So if you were on the hot seat, so you’re about to launch your first circle,, I would say what do you feel like is your biggest block when it comes to you starting your circle in a couple weeks?

00:41:51 J’aime
Saying no to somebody who might not be a good fit. Let’s say that.

00:41:56 Tanya
Great. OK. So then from there we would start to drill down and try to get to the root of. Where is that coming from? We would go statically into the body. We would draw up. Maybe there’s a memory from childhood and we want to get down to is there a limited belief under that? We’re doing all that and then there might be a release that happens and a reframe, a new action, some kind of, you feel freed up to actually move through that. OK. And then we’re going to end it with all the women in the circle all acknowledging and just love beaming on her and witnessing and reflecting her brilliance and her beauty and her power. And so she’s feeling super supported by the group and through going through that process of overcoming that hurdle.

00:42:56 J’aime
So you’re helping women in the hot seat to very quickly get to the root, which is the unconscious belief that’s driving the fear or the obstacle in some way. Yeah?

00:43:08 Tanya
Yeah.

00:43:08 J’aime
Exactly. So then let me guess, 15 minutes wasn’t enough time and you made a whole program?

00:43:15 Tanya
Oh, we can get to the root in 15 minutes.

00:43:18 J’aime
You can. OK, I’m intrigued.

00:43:21 Tanya
Yeah. So we could get to the root in 15 minutes. And so now we’re teaching circle leaders and coaches how to incorporate that and to learn the methodology, which is our feminine freedom method so they can create hot seats in their programs. They can work one to one with clients using this methodology. And so, yeah, so that’s what we’re doing in the get to the root program. And it’s so powerful because for me there’s this connection between circles and having… our mission is 1,000,000 circles on the planet. And then this feminine freedom of what does it look like for us to be sovereign free women who are really tapped into our power. And that this methodology helps us to free ourselves. And that really, it’s not about fighting the patriarchy outs there. It’s about unshackling ourselves, where we cage and where we hold ourselves back, and where we limit ourselves. And so we give that access point of doing that inner work. And it just fits so perfectly with the circle work. So bringing in all the Somatic Experiencing and specifically women’s nervous systems is such a joy.

00:44:44 J’aime
I want to ask you a little bit about your specific work as you’re targeting women going through perimenopause. And what does that mean to you? Why is that important right now?

00:44:53 Tanya
I’m 45 so I feel like one on the cusp of it. I’m not quite there yet, but I have so many friends who are and so many of the women coming into our programs are in it. So It’s a very hot topic in a lot of our circles and a lot of the women in our circles want to be leading other women who are in menopause, wise woman circles. So I’m just seeing this in the collective. I’m seeing like even Marie Forleo talking about this. And I’m seeing all these women who a decade ago, when I was first starting out, now coming into this part of their lives and just rocking it and empowering other women to fully embrace your elder years and that we don’t need to shrivel up and die and we don’t have to give our power away. And actually, this is when a woman should be honored for her wisdom. And our culture has not historically done that. And I think women are taking a stand for reclaiming their seat at the table of eldership. Really, that’s what I see. It’s like I have this vision of, we have all these men in charge in the world. And what if it was actually councils of women, and that’s how tribes used to operate, is there might have been the chief, but there was an elder counsel of women who were the ones making the decisions. The grandmother clan. And I mean, this is the tipping point. This is the shift out of these old models, I believe, and we’re doing it on all the different levels as women.

00:46:42 J’aime
I was really excited to dig into the sister wound with you today because I think that is the most alive thing that women are metabolizing in the current consciousness right now. And so anything you wanted to bring to the surface that we haven’t touched related to the sister wound, I would love to make space for that.

00:47:06 Tanya
Yeah. So for me, the sister wound, this is a working definition, is the disconnect and separation that women feel with each other. So I have all the time, but I don’t have a sister wound. I just cut women out of my life. That is the sister wound. It’s the places where you feel like you can’t trust other women, where you disconnect from other women, where you’re afraid of other women, where you feel less than, where you judge. There’s so much there, of where it’s really hard for us to have real and authentic relationships with one another. Where we truly feel like women have our back, where we feel a deep sense of trust and where we feel supported by powerful women. Because that’s another thing. Because we might have a bunch of little sisters and we’re not really surrounding ourselves with women who we feel really reflect our greatness. So that to me is like the… like my ultimate goal, I think for, especially for leaders, is having a Council of Queens. Are you surrounded by other women who are also leading and at the same vibration and wanting to do good in the world and wanting to be on purpose, if that’s who you are. So I think what it comes down to with the sister wound is recognizing that any woman who triggers you, again, like you said – that trigger is a gift. And so can we not actually attack or project onto the messenger? Can we go back and see, what is this reminding me of and do the deeper healing within that is coming from a previous relationship and it’s probably going to go back to your core family unit. It’s probably going to go back to mom and sister or your first initial friends or an aunt. It’s going to go back to childhood, of where you made a decision that you can’t really trust other females.

00:49:23 J’aime
I really appreciate that. And I’m really reflecting as you’re talking about the sisterhood circle that I’ve sat with and walked with and danced with for the last five years. And I’ve turned over stones that I would never have turned over, because I have women in my life who are not going to leave. And I think that’s really an important thing I would love to leave our audience with is that what we’re doing is… it’s not just about us in our lifetimes. And you know, I really appreciate you bringing in the collective on all the different dimensions that you have today, because if we’re alive today, you can be sure there’s a purpose, a deep purpose. And I just, I feel you as your eyebrows raise and your smile goes across your face that we’re so blessed to be here. And I really do want to send my loving support to you the next time you get triggered by a woman to lovingly look within yourself and not react because you’ll be doing this work that Tanya and I are talking about right now. And maybe the next step is for you. Like, what would it be like to have that Council of Queens around you? Doesn’t every woman deserve that? For everything we do and what we carry in this world in our lifetime, we have this tradition in our show of whispering a part of our wisdom into the world, into a certain part of ourselves. Into a certain part of our lives. And for the women out there who maybe even feel judgy about a woman’s circle, like there’s maybe a deep shadowy wound of not being included, or something else that’s coming to your mind, something that you’ve come across a lot that keeps women isolated and alone, which is the thing that we’re I think that’s our mission to to delete in this lifetime, the feeling of aloneness. What would you like to say to these women right now?

00:51:20 Tanya
It’s really about trusting the medicine. Circle has medicine for us. Sometimes medicine doesn’t taste good. It’s bitter, right? But it’s good for us, and usually what we resist persists. So there’s a lot of women who… we say if you don’t want to go to circle, that’s when you probably need it the most. And so if you feel the resistance to circle, you feel the resistance to sisterhood, that’s something to pay attention to. But there’s some medicine for you there, and it’s going to be good for you and it’s going to open your heart. Because ultimately that’s what it’s all about, is where have you closed your heart? And are you willing to be brave enough to open it again and let all the love in, let it all flow?

00:52:24 J’aime
There’s nothing wrong with you if you have resistance. It’s actually the invitation into your growth. There’s nothing wrong with you for having this feeling right now. It’s an opportunity.

00:52:37 Tanya
And it’s normal. It’s normal. Most women, the majority of women are terrified of other women. That is the work.

00:52:49 J’aime
Tanya Lynn, it’s been such a privilege to talk to you, to receive your wisdom, your experience, just a little. I feel like the small plate that I’ve taken from the feast that you are today. And so, where can we find out more about you?

00:53:07 Tanya
Yes, sistershipcircle.com is our website and I’m sure you’re going to have all the links in the show notes, all the things.

00:53:15 J’aime
Yes, ma’am.

00:53:16 Tanya
Yeah.

00:53:17 J’aime
Thank you so much.

00:53:19 Tanya
Thank you. Incredible conversation today, I really appreciate it.

00:53:23 J’aime
I really appreciate you. Thank you.

00:53:34 Rosemary
The Gifts of Trauma is a weekly podcast that features personal stories of trauma, healing, transformation, and the gifts revealed on the path to authenticity. 

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