In Compassionate Inquiry, we understand that the essence of trauma is disconnection. Disconnection from life, from self, from value, from feelings, from one’s body, from other people and the world. Disconnection from Essence. I have known that disconnection in myself and I have seen it in my clients.
I am a yoga and meditation teacher, amongst other things; that’s how I came to CI. Along the way, my experience of those who call themselves ‘spiritual teachers’ however, had been mixed. Of course, I learnt a lot from them, and I am grateful for that; the good, the bad and the ugly always have lessons for us. But it is the case, more often than we would like, that these teachers abuse their power by taking advantage of students, financially, sexually and in many other ways. When their victims are adults, some find it hard to understand how it is that the abuser manages to convince the victim to give up their power. Through my personal and professional work in CI I have come to understand something about the role of disconnection and how it plays into the hands of predators looking for their next victim.
My own story and the stories of others have the same theme; a truly wounded person in the role of a teacher looks for someone to take advantage of. They know what they are looking for: disconnection. This happened to me, and I saw through it immediately… I immediately discounted my gut feeling and went on to pay the price. Why? And why do so many others who see things like this happening also keep silent?
With compassion, I now hold a tender, vulnerable little girl who gave in to others as a survival tool, who believed it was all her fault rather than recognising the negligence of her caregivers. She shut it down, disconnected, and survived. Seeing it in myself enables me to see it in others. Walking my steps back to wholeness enables me to accompany others on their journey back to wholeness.
What I have come to see as the true and profound beauty of the CI process is reflected when Rumi says: “Turn your heart into a temple of fire’ – and then — “burn in the fire of love.”
I have witnessed great teachers, when asked how to heal from trauma, say “Just meditate”. Is that enough? I don’t believe it is. It’s not enough to meditate, although the skills developed in meditation are essential: the skills of growing the eyes to witness your own suffering, and the thinking that generates that suffering. Then developing those eyes, the witness of your own feelings, knowing the feeling is not you, but instead the feeling is in you.
In the practice of CI, we talk of the ‘relational container’ – the CI therapist in relationship with the client, containing them with their presence; and the CI client developing that container within themselves. For me, this is what “burn in the fire of love” really means. When your eyes soften with compassion to all you have lost and all you have suffered, and you open the profound space of the loving witness, burning in the fire of love results. Your heart becomes a temple of fire, fierce, loving and transforming.
As you do the inner work you slowly and steadily discover that your presence is in fact gold hidden in dust. Your Essence was obscured by the trauma, coping mechanisms and survival skills. You disconnected to make it out alive. Rumi tells us that to reveal the splendour of your Essence you need to burn in the fire of love. As you burn, witness, and see the truth of your pain; as you feel all that deeply, and weep and mourn and grieve all your losses, your splendour emerges one ray at a time. Then you step into your life really and truly alive, connected to yourself and others, able to discern the good from the bad, and to protect yourself.
To end, click this link and sit quietly as you listen:
SHIVALI-Temple Of Fire – YouTube
