An Integrative Physician who founded a holistic health company, 1Dréa fuses ancient wisdom, modern neuroscience, creative storytelling, and spiritual depth. Her medical specialties include addiction medicine, trauma recovery, traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture and psychedelic therapy. A conduit of healing and creativity with a vast career in global conscious media and documentary filmmaking, 1Dréa creates inspiring products & programs, including the Conscious Evolution Podcast
This short edited excerpt of 1Dréa’s interview links her childhood adaptations to her self-masking as a public figure, which led to her ‘dark night’ and ‘dawn. Listen to her full interview on The Gifts of Trauma.
I’ve studied all the ways that people name, and name call, people like me: Multi hyphenates, multi potentialites, multi passionate, dilettante… my childhood really informs this circuitous path.
I grew up in the US. My mother was from British Guyana and my father is African American. Our family was very dysfunctional, there was a lot of toxicity, and as the youngest child, I absorbed it. My father grew up poor and learned that the key to safety in life is to get an education and a job with a pension. He impressed that lesson on all of us. I adapted by becoming a ‘good girl,’ following the rules, doing my best to not let my father down. That attachment wound felt like love vs. being disowned. It drove me to get good grades, always striving and achieving.
My parents divorced when I was young. As we lived far from dad, he would grill me on the phone about school, to ensure I was staying in line. If I got good grades, I’d often get sent a treat, which really motivated me to stay in line. In my teenage years, I realized my dad loved me, even if it wasn’t exam season. But by then, this ‘effort equals reward’ pattern was etched into my psyche.
My father paints, does photography, plays guitar and banjo, and my mother was always singing. So I really wanted to be an artist, but my dad discouraged that. He told all his children, “Being an artist, it’s one in a million who makes it. You need to get an education.” So I did. Fortunately, as long as my grades were good, I was able to pursue the arts through college, doing theater and TV on the side. But when I got to medical school, the intensity increased and all I could do was study. It seemed everyone was smarter than me, so I did what I had to do, to perform.
In my last year of medical school, I was introduced to acupuncture. My mother was a physician working with a binge eating disorder and addiction program using an acupuncture protocol. So in my fourth year of med school, I was training in acupuncture for drug and alcohol detox, which opened my mind to multiple paths of healing.
I moved to Washington, DC, for my residency, and once again, heard people saying. “I don’t get you. Are you this or are you that?” It was very familiar. I was being something other than what they were used to. They wanted to put me in a box for their own comfort, and because I’m a sensitive, empathic person, I often did put on different masks to fit in. But over time, that took quite a toll on me. I found that the more that I achieved to fit this external standard, the more I felt empty, or not good enough, inside.
When the Discovery Channel launched their health network, they recruited me. I thought, this is great. I get to do creative stuff along with medical stuff. And I did. I anchored the health news, had my own show, and hosted several documentaries. As I was on TV every day, people started to recognize me. The pressure to be who they saw on TV increased until it was just too much. I woke up with anxiety. I put on a mask to do the news. I could only be authentic when I was working in my wellness center. Even though the people there didn’t always understand me, there was a sense of acceptance.
I wanted to share what I was learning in clinical practice on air. The executives balked, so I explained, “We’ve got data, we’ve got studies.” But they weren’t ready. Being on TV every day, broadcasting ‘health news’ that was just a tiny fraction of the whole story, led me to an existential crisis. The part of me who was toeing the line was at war with the part who wanted to speak with integrity. I felt like a fraud, like nothing I did was ever going to be good enough. I was miserable and the pressure was mounting.
Ironically, in 2005, my career appeared to be at an all time high. I was working for Discovery, I had my own wellness center. I’d published my first book, been on Oprah twice, and all of these TV shows… yet my anxiety and depression were so bad, I didn’t want my life anymore. I was experiencing the dark night of my ego… which preceded the dawn of my soul.
When I was invited to go on a Mediterranean cruise, I was so busy I let my assistant handle the details. But when I messaged the organizer, saying, “I can’t wait to see you.” He said, “You’re coming? We didn’t get your confirmation!” Since I had bought a return air ticket, I decided to visit the Mediterranean.
In 2005, US cable TV wasn’t available in Europe, and nobody knew me as ‘Dr. Andrea, the brand,’ so I decided to be, ‘Drea the artist’. After setting that intention, when I landed in Barcelona, and on my flight to the south of France, everyone treated me as if I was the artist I said I’d be.
While I do best at home in isolation, I can become an extrovert when I need to, so when I arrived, I challenged myself to get out of the hotel and hear music. At a Saint Tropez nightclub, I met someone who said, “You’re a singer? I’ll get you in.” So I sang with a crowd of people—a peak experience—as I felt they loved me, the real me, even though they didn’t know me I felt fully loved, fully expressed. I also knew I would have to go home and get back into my conformity suit. That was the breaking point.Everything in me said, “No!” I cried out to God, “Take my life, take my business, take it all.” At that moment of surrender, I saw a light within my consciousness. At first I thought God was answering my prayer because I felt such peace, such relief. But I was pulled into and through a tunnel of light, where I saw a full life review. Boom! In that moment I saw how each and every decision I’d made had led me to be depressed and anxious.
The Gifts of Trauma is a weekly podcast that features personal stories of trauma, transformation, healing, and the gifts revealed on the path to authenticity. Listen to the interview, and if you like it, please subscribe, leave a rating or review, and share it with others in your community.
