Josiane’s family therapy practice acknowledges the multigenerational impact of both trauma and resilience, helping high conflict individuals and families reconnect with their ancestral bonds in meaningful ways. Her therapeutic philosophy centers on interconnectedness and wholeness principles from the family systemic and strategic approaches, addressing the needs of individuals, couples, and families, while considering their connections with self and others.
This short edited excerpt of Josiane’s interview shares her views on Compassionate Love, Family Systems, Appreciative and Compassionate Inquiry. Listen to her full interview on The Gifts of Trauma.
In 1999, the World Health Organization invited scientists, economists, spiritual and political leaders to meet in New York. Like now, there was great confusion and violence. The WHO asked, “What does the world need most, right now?” Some said more compassion. Others said more love. The functional definition of Compassionate Love emerged as: The love that centres on the good of the other.
This is real love, pure love, cosmic or quantum love. It never asks one to sacrifice themself for the other. It’s a love we experience rarely, as we’re not taught how to love. We constantly hear, use and misuse the word “love”, and so many of our intimate relationships are in survival mode right now, rife with fear, confusion, conflict, misunderstanding and abuse.
When Family Systems noticed symptoms manifesting in one family member related to their close relationships and communications, they too called a quorum meeting with scientists, psychiatrists, psychologists and anthropologists. The outcome of this inquiry was an agreement to depart from the scientific method of isolation and include the web of the client’s family relationships in treatment. It was an indisputable decision, as we all exist in these relationship webs. We can’t be separated from others because our brains function relationally.
A Compassionate Inquiry® parallel is that often the person with an addiction or ADHD is the sensitive one who’s reflecting the ill health of their family dynamic. Yet initially, the focus goes to the person with the symptoms, not the family system they exist within.
In Family Systems, let’s say a couple are in conflict, and their child sees them acting out at home. Then that child starts acting out at school. He knows something’s wrong, but is unable to voice it. His parents bring him to therapy, but they don’t bring themselves to therapy. Family Systems includes the parents in therapy as they are the source of the problem, the tip of the pyramid that is supposed to guide the child to show themself in their essence, not their survival mode.
While I was studying family therapy, Family Systems, and interacting with many families from diverse cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds, I saw that we’re all spirit, body and mind. But in intimate relationships, this translates differently. When couples come to therapy, they bring their problems, but not their essence. Being a lightworker, I bring them back into their essence. To do that, the first thing I ask is, “What are some of the qualities that you appreciate in your companion?”
They’re very surprised, because we come from a culture of deficit. In science we focus on what’s wrong. But in Family Systems, Appreciative and Compassionate Inquiry, we’re not looking at what’s wrong in a person, couple, family or community. We’re looking at what works. This is where we can change the world. When we judge one another, we break ourselves and become fragmented. But if we take good consideration of one another, if we honour and respect the other, if we see their pain as a reflection of what we don’t want to see or honor in ourselves, we can see their positive core. This is a life affirming paradigm.
Trauma is a common term right now. Most people think of trauma as bad things they experienced. But all experiences teach us, within our space and reality. It moves us to innovate and gives us a better idea of why we’re here. Exploring what trauma experiences teach us redirects us away from the deficit model and into a field of possibility, generativity and creativity.
I feel so grateful to be here at this time, supporting the awakening of both our new and ancient DNA, that has been buried by our programming, separation and division. By honoring our common connections, ancestors, and sharing the Compassionate Love model, I invite people to awaken, turn within and tap into what’s already there.
James Baldwin said that if we didn’t have each other we’d be dead, because the love we feel for each other creates new neural pathways in our brains. This is what happens in intimate relationships. Being together, even if I’m having the worst time, still feeds my soul. When you’re with another, an emergent property springs from the synergy of your commingled energies. I call it an entity because it’s light, it’s moving and it’s alive. A healthy relationship is a positive entity.
At the core of my mission is the understanding that everything our ancestors have experienced and done is merged, because all we are is energy. All that’s around us and in us is energy. Whether you consider yourself white or black doesn’t matter, as energy infiltrates the colour of our skin, our bodies, our cells. We are memories from this incarnation, and many more. It’s all stored within us, the energy of our experiences, from the past enslavement of one group of people, to those who perpetrated the sexual mass rape that is used as a weapon of mass destruction and oppression. It infiltrates all layers of the energetic field, every single human, because every one of us is connected in this present life, beyond time and space. If you go back to the source, sexual energy is the strongest force in the universe, It is in perpetual creation and co-creation with us. That’s why it’s important for me to ask a couple entering therapy, “What’s your mission? What’s your vision?” They usually don’t know, as they’re not on the same wavelength. But when we’re not intentional in how we use our sexual energy, we allow other energies, or entities, to do whatever they want with us. My mission is to go into the darkness of every single human being and bring them into the light. Everybody else is a reflection of ourselves. Compassionate Love teaches us that the anguish of the other is ours. Our partners reflect back to us, the parts of ourselves that we have buried, disowned, repressed or suppressed from our consciousness. I’m guided by spirit to bring the divine sparkle of every single day into everyone’s awareness, to guide people away from judgment and welcome Compassionate Love into their reality.
The Gifts of Trauma is a weekly podcast that features personal stories of trauma, transformation, healing, and the gifts revealed on the path to authenticity. Listen to the interview, and if you like it, please subscribe, leave a rating or review, and share it with others in your community.
